my 1st blog on 1st january 2010. hardly i want to forget the past. just to think about the future. let it be in my present.
2009. the past i've been through out all of the year, suffering a lot and be like a fool. damn retarded. i've no idea why i'd been this way. i didn't recognize myself either. i reckon there's must be something wrong with me. i can barely breathe but i just can't keep myself calm. too much too ask for. the question is, why i am not myself?? i think my soul is flying everywhere while my body stuck in this world. too dark and cold. full of sorrow, desperate and dissapointment. try to reach out but i'm falling down each time i tried to hold on. am i insane? for the god sake, i don't want to be like this. this sucks. all this feelings are terrible. rebellious. suck. can't bear it on my own.
i want someone hold me, tightly, as i feel so cold and down to earth. but there's no one. it's just me all alone. try to wake up if it's just a dream. i realized it was true and it was not a dream. 2009 gave me a lof of bruises and wounds that hardly to heal and cure. all the things happened, i keep them in my heart. all the things that hardly to forget, i buried them in my memories. there's no turn back time, life goes on. keep going. so, bye bye 2009. i forgive u but can't forget u.
2010. hello. i wish i could put some efforts this year. hope it's working. i reckon i want to be the new me. just thinking myself yet forgetting the others. if i care people around me so much, i will get myself hurt once more. it doesn't give any benefits, but holy effects! well, my wishes this year are to lose some weight ( haha even it never works. always end up in gaining weight).but this year i will stick to my words and i really have to do sumting about my weight gaining. other than that, i'll try to be more professional, not easily get affected each time when i'm falling down. aa, try to get a dean list once again. not because of the award, it is because of the sony vaio notebook. haha. my almighty god, please make this to become true :) tawakal, yes. last but not least, wishing that my bestfriends are still the same persons to be and always them. i don't want others but if the fate is going to change, maybe i have to face it. face it with the smile. still trust them. i know there have been a lof of mistaken, misunderstandings , i'm just a normal person. easily get confused, mad, misunderstood, envious and i have to hear a lot of explanations from that. i just don't have that courage. maybe it's not a good time cause time is always messing up. trust me, i wrote this post with tears. so i have to stop writing now. farewell, this blog will be updated soon. bye~byee